In 2010 I went for Vipassana. I was between jobs. It was Karunakar, my mentor, who strongly suggested to me. I was in my early 20’s, hormones kicking, enjoying salaried life on alcohol and consumerism: the advice for meditation retreat made no sense.
I cannot say no to Karunakar: I registered for ten days of retreat in Leh. I think an Air India flight was running directly from Delhi to Leh.
Leh was a different world for me, not because of the hipster cafes or foreigners crowding the place but the locals. I found people lovable and their acceptance that I am one of them. The dry mountains, bone-chilling wind, and prayers from Gompas were mesmerizing. Walking on the market and waving strangers with a smile and Julley was heartwarming for someone coming from noisy, anger-filled Delhi.
The Vipassana center was on the outskirts of some school. The rules were told in advance to me by Karunakar and manuals they had sent. I was wondering how I will survive on two meals of veg food and ten days of silence. Some part of my brain was saying that I forced myself to jail in some touristy spot. The first three days of the retreat were hell. I died every minute because I was scared. I had no phone, people, beer, laptop around. Figuring out: Who am I, with my consciousness and breath was painful. I had nothing to lie, nothing to hide. I was naked with myself. I saw half a dozen folks crying and some leaving the retreat because they could not take it.
Waking up early, taking a cold bath, sitting in a lotus pose, and observing the breath for ten days, and listening to Dr. Goenka’s lectures were not easy. My mind was wandering in thoughts, and I was trying to observe it.
Once the retreat got over, it took me a few months to get back to speaking regularly. I continued doing the breathing and other techniques for a few months.
Was I a changed person? I think so; I was less scared of myself, accepting who am I, and started liking my solitude.
Will I recommend others for Vipassana?
I definitely will.
Will Vipassana help everyone?
I don’t know.
