Be strong; do not show your weakness. But why? Why can’t we be vulnerable? Why do we have to talk to a faceless therapist about what is fucking us up from inside?
We have lived in a close-knit since eternity, what happened to us now? We got all it takes to make: wealth, social status, home, family, and we are stressed scared?
Our forefathers lived in more miserable conditions. Life expectancy was low. They lived happily; they had a sense of togetherness and bonding.
Fast forward now, we have all the luxury of the world, but we are empty. We don’t have that support group who will be there for you, who accepts your vulnerability, and whom you can hug, cry, share your failures, and seek advice.
We have everything in abundance and, still, we are empty, dying more painfully every day.
Is it our culture, education system, or society that craves newcomers for being spoonfed or micromanaged? In my limited experience, I have seen most dislike in figuring out things: be it with life decisions, education, skill acquisition, or work.
I have been interviewing candidates for various roles in the last few months, and most of the newcomers(not all) expected a big team, organization, or hand-holding for their growth and progress.
After four years of engineering, design degree, and living in this world for 20 plus years, why would one need to be spoonfed? Is it because of our society, parents who have kept us in a protected environment and hindered our decision making? Our independent thinking never grew?
With the emergence of the internet and the availability of learning materials, a student in Vietnam or tier 4 city in India is no different. They can acquire the same skillset as any kid sitting in the developed world.
What differentiates and hiders us is: we lack independent thinking and a decision making attitude. We look for outsiders for appreciation and acceptance.
The virtue of being independent, owing our life needs to be given by parents, society, and the education system from early on. We need to fix it else; we will continue living in the dark ages behind the developed world and future generations.
PS: My sample size is small, so I can be biased with my observation and will be happy to be wrong. It means our country’s youth is growing and we have a better future ahead. 🙂
A leader’s job is not to be right. Their job is to ensure an organization is working together as an operating system. They have to ensure that the team is motivated and aware of overall milestones and companies vision.
It is the team and togetherness which guarantees any organization’s success. The cult leadership creates a toxic culture, unexpected deliverables, and division.
As a leader, if you fuck up, own it.
As a leader, if you don’t know something, accept it.
As a leader, if things are not going the way it should, be honest.
Robert Iger is executive chairman of Walt Disney and was formally CEO of the company. In his book: The Ride of his Lifetime, he talks about his leadership principles.
Robert’s shared his leadership principles in the book’s prologue.
Optimism
Courage
Focus
Decisiveness
Curiosity
Fairness
Thoughtfulness
Authenticity
Integrity
The relentless pursuit of perfection
I let you all craft meaning for these terms related to your operating dynamics. I will add the subsequent post as I got through the book. Again it was Karthik‘s recommendation for this book. 🙂
How much our past matters? I was going through photograph dumps, notes, scribbles. We change with time; Our priority, People, and the journey keep moving. I am barely in touch with my school and college friends. I am hardly in touch with folks from my first job.
At the same time, I have noticed our brain starts crafting patterns, likes, and aversions. It could be of a place, people, or what we eat, habits.
I have seen alcoholics, addicts turning sober in their latter half of life and reverse as well.
So how much does the past matter?
It depends on how we shape the journey of our life. Past learning has to guide for a positive future.
Our life is like a journey with a collection of experiences, relationships, and actions. We are humans; we cannot be perfect and logical as Spock. It is okay to move on.
It was 5-6 months back when Karthik had recommended the list of autobiographies. Shoe Dog was one of the recommendations besides a dozen others. Sometimes we need encouragement and autobiographies like these help. It resulted in me reading Shoe Dog.
I enjoyed every page of the book; It was like a script out of a founder’s life mixed with happiness, pain, fuckups, and shit. I will recommend everyone reading it. I will not spell the entire story. 🙂
Some learning’s:
Every day is a Near-death experience in the early days. One of the other things will fuck up. Be it creditors, banks, or suppliers.
Support of believers and mentors help in going a long way. They can be friends, customers, and people who have seen you grow in the journey.
Running a company in the early days is grunt work for you and the team. If your or team’s family are non-cooperative, get ready for a shitstorm.
Success and failure in the early days exclusively depend on the team. You have to work like a small family where David is up against Goliath.
Cash is needed, and a founder has to be creative in generating the same to feed their and the team’s family.
A culture of independence, transparency, and freedom is the only way to succeed in the long term.
There is no checklist of success. One has to keep trying, failing, and learning from past mistakes. One has to reinvent from the crisis.
The organization has to grow from the inside. You cannot bring a fat gorilla from outside to run a zoo. There has to be a clear path within the organization for team members and early believers who have been through the entire cycle. As the company grows, they should as well.
One has to be in the right place at the right time. It’s essential with our sweat, hard work, and pain. Our luck has a role to play in our life.
Patriarchy is part and parcel of Indian society. As a son, we have more authority, freedom. Although we are getting better, we are still far away.
The priority of dream, aspirations, independence of daughter still takes backfoot over son. The choice of finding a partner, job, city to live in, who to meet, and when to come home is still something a daughter has to answer or go through constant grilling. The concept of helicopter parents existed before social media, mobile phones, and the internet.
On one side, we treat our keens differently because they are men or women and on the other side, expect them to take all the responsibility of the family.
What about the personal aspirations, dreams, choice of your daughter? Why does she have to go through this duality: at one side, patriarchy restricts her from being independent and on another work like a donkey to fulfill parents and family’s dream. Be it constructing a house or helping financially throughout life?
In 2010 I went for Vipassana. I was between jobs. It was Karunakar, my mentor, who strongly suggested to me. I was in my early 20’s, hormones kicking, enjoying salaried life on alcohol and consumerism: the advice for meditation retreat made no sense.
I cannot say no to Karunakar: I registered for ten days of retreat in Leh. I think an Air India flight was running directly from Delhi to Leh.
Leh was a different world for me, not because of the hipster cafes or foreigners crowding the place but the locals. I found people lovable and their acceptance that I am one of them. The dry mountains, bone-chilling wind, and prayers from Gompas were mesmerizing. Walking on the market and waving strangers with a smile and Julley was heartwarming for someone coming from noisy, anger-filled Delhi.
The Vipassana center was on the outskirts of some school. The rules were told in advance to me by Karunakar and manuals they had sent. I was wondering how I will survive on two meals of veg food and ten days of silence. Some part of my brain was saying that I forced myself to jail in some touristy spot. The first three days of the retreat were hell. I died every minute because I was scared. I had no phone, people, beer, laptop around. Figuring out: Who am I, with my consciousness and breath was painful. I had nothing to lie, nothing to hide. I was naked with myself. I saw half a dozen folks crying and some leaving the retreat because they could not take it.
Waking up early, taking a cold bath, sitting in a lotus pose, and observing the breath for ten days, and listening to Dr. Goenka’s lectures were not easy. My mind was wandering in thoughts, and I was trying to observe it.
Once the retreat got over, it took me a few months to get back to speaking regularly. I continued doing the breathing and other techniques for a few months.
Was I a changed person? I think so; I was less scared of myself, accepting who am I, and started liking my solitude.
Will I recommend others for Vipassana? I definitely will. Will Vipassana help everyone? I don’t know.
Leh marketWhat are they talking?The touristy spot with few local folks who were at Vipassana retreat
I was on a call with Ajey today: one take away was WHAT? As a founder knowing “WHAT” drives “HOW”. Our journey becomes less painful. We then start seeking for How.
In short, “What” brings clarity and depth to our purpose.
