Patriarchy is part and parcel of Indian society. As a son, we have more authority, freedom. Although we are getting better, we are still far away.
The priority of dream, aspirations, independence of daughter still takes backfoot over son. The choice of finding a partner, job, city to live in, who to meet, and when to come home is still something a daughter has to answer or go through constant grilling. The concept of helicopter parents existed before social media, mobile phones, and the internet.
On one side, we treat our keens differently because they are men or women and on the other side, expect them to take all the responsibility of the family.
What about the personal aspirations, dreams, choice of your daughter? Why does she have to go through this duality: at one side, patriarchy restricts her from being independent and on another work like a donkey to fulfill parents and family’s dream. Be it constructing a house or helping financially throughout life?
In 2010 I went for Vipassana. I was between jobs. It was Karunakar, my mentor, who strongly suggested to me. I was in my early 20’s, hormones kicking, enjoying salaried life on alcohol and consumerism: the advice for meditation retreat made no sense.
I cannot say no to Karunakar: I registered for ten days of retreat in Leh. I think an Air India flight was running directly from Delhi to Leh.
Leh was a different world for me, not because of the hipster cafes or foreigners crowding the place but the locals. I found people lovable and their acceptance that I am one of them. The dry mountains, bone-chilling wind, and prayers from Gompas were mesmerizing. Walking on the market and waving strangers with a smile and Julley was heartwarming for someone coming from noisy, anger-filled Delhi.
The Vipassana center was on the outskirts of some school. The rules were told in advance to me by Karunakar and manuals they had sent. I was wondering how I will survive on two meals of veg food and ten days of silence. Some part of my brain was saying that I forced myself to jail in some touristy spot. The first three days of the retreat were hell. I died every minute because I was scared. I had no phone, people, beer, laptop around. Figuring out: Who am I, with my consciousness and breath was painful. I had nothing to lie, nothing to hide. I was naked with myself. I saw half a dozen folks crying and some leaving the retreat because they could not take it.
Waking up early, taking a cold bath, sitting in a lotus pose, and observing the breath for ten days, and listening to Dr. Goenka’s lectures were not easy. My mind was wandering in thoughts, and I was trying to observe it.
Once the retreat got over, it took me a few months to get back to speaking regularly. I continued doing the breathing and other techniques for a few months.
Was I a changed person? I think so; I was less scared of myself, accepting who am I, and started liking my solitude.
Will I recommend others for Vipassana? I definitely will. Will Vipassana help everyone? I don’t know.
Leh marketWhat are they talking?The touristy spot with few local folks who were at Vipassana retreat
I was on a call with Ajey today: one take away was WHAT? As a founder knowing “WHAT” drives “HOW”. Our journey becomes less painful. We then start seeking for How.
In short, “What” brings clarity and depth to our purpose.
A few people never say No. The reason might be love, respect, or don’t want others to get sad. Some do not want to close the connection or relationship.
It has more negatives than positives. The person is still expecting that something will come in his favor when the reality is a clear NO.
What you do will be learning for your kids. The way you act, behave and treat them and people around you.
Sayings like: monkey see monkey do or charity begins at home exists for these reasons.
As a parent, your virtues and vice will leave an impact on your kids, so be very aware of your actions. You are setting an example for the next generation.
The same even applies at corporate: if a manager is not delivering to potential and slacking off, employees will follow the same.
There is a chain reaction or snowball effect, whatever you like calling it. But be a good example for people around you: as a parent or a leader. It will make the world a better place.
Samete za rahe hai yadoo ko is sehar se hum. Khusio se bhari ye chand lamho ko, liye za rahe hai saath hum. Ban zainge ye yaddain hamare, simte rahenge ge dil ke sirhanome hamare.
Zindgi ki zadozahad me, paiso ki aise numyeesh hai lage ki riste bhi uske ird/gird se ho gaye hai.
Kya din the wo, bematlab, matmaule bachpean ke jab dosti numaiyeesh ki mohtaaz nahi the.
Ek umeed liye jiye ja rahe hai zindgi ko, na-umeede me zate to ho zate fana. Itne chote se is zindgi me kyun khicataani kiye chale zate hai hum khud he khud me?
Apne parchaiye, apne aahat se kyun iss kadar hue zate hai ruswa hum ki auroo ke tukree ke aasiyano ki zarurat aa parte hai hame.
Kuch kho gaye, kuch ruswa ho gaye, ho gaye kuch kaidee auroo ki yadoo me. Aur chand kuch zite gaye zindgi ko apne marzi se, mast aur madmast hue.
I was reading a WSJ article on the death of Tony Hsieh, founder of Zappos. It makes me wonder how someone with all the achievements and accumulation had so much emptiness within. The article cites drug usage, alcohol consumption, and other methods Tony was experimenting with himself.
How much wealth or professional success matters when we are broken? What was Tony’s emptiness?
RIP Tony!
I have learned in the hard way of my 35+ years life journey: build relationships. I still screwup in many instances. I am still learning. I do have some friends, mentors who are around me, kicking me and cheering for me. If you don’t have one: better to spend your time on it instead of running after money. Self does not care about your bank deposits but the emptiness within yourself.
