Fine

Apka fine Katega, shouted traffic constable.
Kahe Sirji? I asked.
Singal cross Kiya hai, he replied.

I was rushing for my tuition class and, he was standing right next to the Jwalaheri Market crossing. The red lights hardly work, not today.

The constable Gurjeet Singh Ji was adamant about putting a penalty. I was more worried about my father’s reaction aftermath of the challan.

After 15-20 mins of Rona Dhona (crying), we settled for few glasses of nimbu paani and fresh kulcha and 15 uthak-baithak. It was 2007, and pocket money was limited. I had saved some money for McDonald’s trip to Rajouri Garden with friends.

We spoke for good 30 mins over our meal in scorching Delhi summer. Now was the time to make the payment, and Gurjeet took his wallet paid to the street vendor. I was shocked for two reasons. One, police guys eat for free. Two, why on earth is he paying when I was paying for the meal in penalty?

I asked: Sir ye kya, he replied.
Chal bhag le. Dobara na Kare red light jump. Tu bach zaiga, jiske haddi tutege uska soch.

My bias about police constables got cleansed at an early age. I am not saying all are clean, but some are. I am more careful about traffic rules.

I hope wherever Gurjeet is, he is happy, content, and healthy. I visited Paschim Vihar last year. The past suddenly appeared with many other memories. I wonder if I will ever meet Gurjeet and pay for chole kulche and shikanji drink.

Mili

Mili lived life on her own: like a butterfly, independent and break free. Money was in abundance, thanks to her parent’s medical profession.

I met her at a friend’s party in Delhi, I guess in Lado Sarai barsaati(rooftop). I was impressed by her confidence, and it was she, not weed or alcohol. She told me her educational background did no justice to her. She is on a path of seeking self-knowledge. I was too drunk to make sense of it. I was worried about work. I was on my first job and, money was limited.

Next month our friend’s group went to Kasauli for a trip, and Mili was part of it. Her new hobby: Yoga and mindfulness. After a late-night drinking session, we had to wake up at 5 for her session and sleep late till the afternoon.

I moved out of Delhi in 2011 and lost touch with everyone. The treadmill of capitalism and social media self gloating leaves very little time for real friends.

Last week I heard that Mili is no more. She passed away, and the reason being a drug overdose. There were half a dozen cats around her in those last minutes.

In 2016 her parents got killed in a car accident, and she was all on her own. A few years later, she married a struggling actor who has moved from France. She did everything for him in reciprocity got cheated.

I think Mili never came out of this multiple trauma. The butterfly I had seen her in the first meeting ended up as a lone worrier. RIP Mili.

idleness

You have to be rich to be a philosopher or an absolute destitute. Most of us are so busy running in the rat race, manage end meets for our living that idleness is luxury. When most of our thoughts run in the everyday misery of work, family, and figuring next day’s meal, where will creativity come?

I sometimes wonder if Tagore existed in a middle-class family or Marcus Arulieas would have written Meditations.

Our idleness is a luxury, and most of us don’t have it.

convenience

It is easy to narrate and mold stories at our convenience. It gives us the power of being something. Our ego dictates over us and leads us to take actions which we would have never taken otherwise. If we are lucky, we end up having a less painful life.

We build cars, entertainment, food apps, and virtual connections, all for convenience. Our convenience bought us more closer, gave us more free time, yet made us more miserable and sick.

What price are we paying for our convenience?

hope

‘I have a girlfriend, stop marriage related conversation’; screamed Akash. It has been a daily sermon: anybody or everybody would end up giving him marriage counseling. Be it the milkman, maid, vegetable vendor, or barber.

Akash is in his early 30’s and a well-groomed, small-time boy. He was among the early ones from his village to make it to IIT Delhi under a thousand ranks. His parents are in their early sixties, and he was visiting them over Christmas vacation. After working at consulting, gaining all the wealth and knowledge, he runs a profitable company, unlike his batchmates who have been running unicorn companies (valued on paper).

It was one of the cultural fests where Akash met Hina from St.Stephens college. The age difference was no barrier; it was love at first sight for them both. As time passes, so did the distance; but love survived. Hina joined BCG, another consulting firm, and traveled across and worked on multiple verticals. Her dream is to settle in the US. She worked hard and ended up pursuing an MBA at Stanford. She had luck, money, and perseverance all with her.

The Biden government has made Hina hopeful of getting a green card, settling in the US.

The inseparable love of Akash for Hina makes him hopeful of the union.

The prayers and everyday reminders make Akash’s parents hopeful that soon he will get married.

Such is the life, like a thread running in full flow on hope.

control

Why do we want to have control over others? I heard about incidents related to the work environment where leaders, founders are absolute control freaks. When you hire someone, they have a role to play within the organization. They are given responsibility and expected to deliver. A leader can focus elsewhere.

I thought leadership is all about serving, like having a star trek team and letting individuals come up with a solution.

Do we have control over ourselves, our thoughts, and the monkey mind? How are we thinking of leading as a control freak?

faceless

You will find me everywhere: Traffic signals selling flowers, begging. At a restaurant serving your meals. At your home helping with cleaning and cooking. At midnight fixing potholes or before monsoon many fts down under cleaning sewage system.

We are faceless; we have no voice. Police, politicians, people everyone considers us invisible. Nobody cares about us.

We are faceless and go through every atrocity you can think of: molestation, beatings, robbery, false allegations. Are we slaves or just part of this system.

Maturity

Maturity comes with age and experience. I was a believer of it, not anymore. I think it is a mental construct and, more of it is about ourselves.

People come on their reasons which fit their construct. In the end, one has to face themselves and their thoughts. How can we be vulnerable; we have to take high ground for ourselves.

A manager will not tell you why salary is getting delayed or, an investor will not give you any right on the face. An engineer while moving on will not tell you he is leaving for better pay.

We all are vulnerable, and we are all scared of being naked. At the same time, we want to hold high moral ground ourselves and feel rational about the decisions.

grateful

I was on half a dozen calls last day. It made me feel how lucky I am; I had a sense of gratitude and was feeling very grateful at the same time. I had my mentors, customers, friends, and advisors around me to help me. There are days, times in life when you feel fucked up.

In the world we are living in, everything is plastic and transactional. A few of us believe in long-term relationships and, few lucky ones are blessed with such acquaintances. They are the north star in the crowded transactional and opaque world. You can sail through in life with less pain having them around.

It makes me sad, but that is what Capitalism has done to us: money has become the universal language. The wealth you accumulate makes you powerful, gives you a voice and authority, respect. All the vices are covered by wealth. Your identity is how much you own and be it society or family. In some instances, wealth has kept marriage and kids intact.

Cribbing

Cribbing is our favorite past time. Even society thrives on it. Social psychologists, media, and marketers know about it, and that is why we are scared, sold cure for worries, pain.

Be it a product, opinion, or feedback: we go after negatives before the positives. I wonder if the fault-finding gives some sense of pride. I remember my early days of the OpenStack community: we had many people in the channel coming and cribbing about what we are doing wrong, what is broken rather than how can we contribute? Even at neutral events when we would go, we would be told what is not working. I saw the same on HN post today about ERPNext and did not like it.

Does that mean I am perfect and not a cribber? I doubt that because last night itself, I was cribbing about Tesla India announcements and PR. Aren’t Tata and Mahindra’s been here for decades? My mentor suggested Tesla’s emergence will open doors for EV-related literacy and manufacturing in the country. We will have more jobs created as smaller industries will supply many parts. How did I missed this part and fell for my tunnel vision? I had my reality check; I am hopeful of getting better.