Are We Really in Control of Our Lives?

We humans are strange, almost crazy beings.

We believe we control our lives. We believe everything is in our hands, that we decide our own fate. We take pride in saying that we are self-made: that whatever we are today is because of our own hard work and choices.

But if we think deeply, is that really true?

In reality, so much of who we are is gifted to us. Given to us. Handed over by something above us: call it God, fate, the universe, nature, or even some unknown force. Whatever it is, it exists beyond our control.

Who we become depends on many factors that we never chose.

The family we are born into.
The country we are born in.
The language we grow up speaking.
The teachers who taught us and shaped our interests.
The way those teachers taught: whether they inspired curiosity or fear.
The environment we grew up in.
The people around us.

All these things quietly shape us long before we are capable of making “choices”.

Even our interests are not purely our own. A single teacher can make us love a subject. A single moment can push us toward a career. A certain environment can make ambition feel natural or impossible. These influences come from outside, not from within.

So how can we honestly say we are self-made men or women?

Without even acknowledging that so much of what we have is our mindset, confidence, opportunities, and direction, came to us from above or around us?

We may work hard, yes. We may struggle, yes. But the starting point was never the same for everyone. The tools were not distributed equally. The doors did not open at the same time for all.

There is clearly something else at play. Something sitting on the top, silently shaping circumstances, blessing some paths, delaying others. Whether we understand it or not, whether we believe in it or deny it: it exists.

Recognizing this doesn’t mean denying effort. It means being honest.

It means understanding that effort alone does not create a life. Circumstance does. Timing does. People do. Forces beyond us do.

Maybe wisdom is not in claiming full control, but in accepting this truth with humility.

We are not completely in charge of our lives.
We are not entirely self-made.

We are shaped, guided, influenced and only then do we act.

And perhaps acknowledging this is what makes us more grounded, more grateful, and less arrogant about who we have become.

World

Time and again, we end up seeking validation from others. Why? Is it because we are not confident, or is it because of our fear of failure? There is a difference in each one of us; it often begins with how we see ourselves in the mirror every day.

We are winners, we are rich only when, deep within, we start to believe it. Our life on this planet is finite. Every second, we are getting closer to death. What is the point of all the fluff—just pretending to be someone for the world? The mask we wear every day for others is what makes us sick.

The world is within. Feeling good about oneself and acting in accordance with one’s nature makes life worth living.

unlimited

We live in a world of unlimited opportunities, but it comes with many faces. What we see is not always true. With the advancement of civilization and the rapid explosion of technology, we are moving farther away from reality. We are heading toward automation, where humans will have more time for themselves.

A side effect of this shift is that the consumption of natural resources will peak much earlier. The power sector will demand more electricity; we will need more chips and more data centers to process information.

As software development, legal drafting, and other repetitive or “boring” tasks are automated or eliminated, a new category of jobs will emerge—roles that require super-experts focused on monitoring, oversight, and control.

We are constantly afraid of joblessness. I predict that we will soon introduce some form of universal payment system, similar to rationing. In developing economies, politicians already do this seasonally to gain votes.

We are also entering an era of unlimited bullshit. Technology will empower anyone to gaslight the world—or, alternatively, to become an influencer.

Value

After crossing 40, the major learning of life has been “what I don’t want.”
The simple answer to that is people or environments that make you unhappy and drain your energy. Many of my friends ask me if I am rich enough to have that choice.

My short answer to this has been: In the end, it comes down to your value system. I would prefer losing a team member, customer, or acquaintance than living constantly in stress and ending up paying a cardiologist for angioplasty or a hair transplant.

Our defined, allocated time on this planet is limited. It is on us to decide how to use it. Short-term profit leading to long-term suffering should not be an option.

Insider

As the company grows, middle management is established. It is a tough change for the overall organization. Everything starts becoming a process. Well-established rules are set. What used to be normal begins to feel like baggage. Early employees who have been on this journey with the company start feeling locked in. Some leave because of this mismatch.

As a founder, it’s a tough call: groom internally or hire experienced senior management.

The positives of internal grooming are that they understand the company’s culture, vision, and true north. The negatives are their inexperience and blind spots. If they don’t adapt to the company’s new direction, it can lead to a deadlock with the founders and even within the team itself. It is rare to find and groom such mature talent with a stable mindset. We at Taghash have taken this bet. It has been mixed for us so far. We don’t quit so easily.

The positives of external hires in senior roles are that they are mature and can execute a turnaround in no time. It becomes more of a rational exercise, but it can affect existing team members overnight by introducing a layer between them and the founders. The negatives are their blind spots and rigid sets of practices that have worked for them in the past. There is also the challenge of understanding their incentives. If not handled well, this approach can open up a divide between the team and management.

There is no right or wrong approach. Things work differently for different founders and their organizations.

Ramblings

  1. Our closet has it all: hardship, happiness, anger, misery, love, fear, and everything in between. It’s on you to wear what the most.
  2. He who listens gets confused; he who has their guiding principles intact swims in any tide.
  3. Your childhood and parents shape you.
  4. Finding true love is about finding a shadow for eternity.
  5. Tough decisions make you strong; it pains in the short run.
  6. Your Identity is in your thoughts.
  7. The world is built by misfits. Those who can go against societal norms and defined rules.
  8. Nobody cares about you more than you yourself.
  9. As you age, you become wiser with your failures.
  10. Treating elders with love, empathy, and respect adds to your karma points.
  11. Life is a healer and our biggest teacher.
  12. Never forget those who stood by you when you were crawling, desperate for support.
  13. Everybody lies, most to self.
  14. True wealth is abundant time to be consumed in idleness for fostering creativity.
  15. The biggest lie is “wealth creation by aging rapidly.
  16. Self-belief and god’s faith can do wonders in the worst of times. It ensures you don’t die of pain and self-guilt.
  17. Others will always be others. They should not matter.
  18. Most friends will disappear. Their priority will change. You will be left with self.
  19. Radical optimism has more positives than negatives.
  20. You are dying every second. The ULTIMATE truth.

SpiceJet

Six months back, while travelling from Bagdogra to Bangalore, I completely hated my SpiceJet travel. It was around the time of the 2nd wave, and a lot of migrant labourers were on the move. I found that they were treated poorly by the ground staff and air hostesses.

This time around, while travelling from Bangalore to Darbhanga, I found a pleasant change in the way the same folks were treated. From Bangalore airport to Darbhanga, the aircrew and ground staff were all more patient and professional.

I am not sure what happened. Could it be that the people on this sector are more professional?

I am again flying SpiceJet. I understand they are in loss and pain; I just pray they don’t end up being another Kingfisher or Air Deccan.

picture

Expecting your team members to understand the bigger picture of the organisation is a tough ask. As a company grows and its size increases, we divide the organisation into major compartments. As a result, the hired team members become so engrossed in the tasks they are assigned.

As a glue, it becomes more important for founders to ensure the team knows about the bigger picture.

River

Building a startup is like a flowing river stream.
When it starts from the glacier, it has a strong current with no defined course. Over time, when it reaches the plains, it becomes more predictable, steady, and controlled. With the passing of time, the same applies: it meets the sea and becomes a world.

The journey of building a startup is no less than a river. In the initial days, it is full of energy: seeking PMF, hiring like-minded people, and taking all the risks. The chances of failure are extreme. After a few years, it becomes more predictable, but the operations, passion, and perseverance of the founder are what result in the team delivering and taking the company to newer heights: aiming for an IPO.